Why Men Are Happier Than Women

source: Dave's Daily

• We keep our last name.
• The garage is all ours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• We can be president.
• We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell us the truth.
• The world is our urinal.
• We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
• People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
• One mood, ALL the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• We know stuff about tanks and airplanes.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• We can open all our own jars.
• We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
• Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• Everything on our face stays its original color.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• We almost never have strap problems in public.
• We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
• The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
• We don't have to shave below our neck.
• Our belly usually hides our big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
• We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

• Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
• Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
• When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
• You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary items" with you everywhere you go.
• You can go to the bathroom alone.
• You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
• None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry.
• You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
• If you're 34 and single, no one notices.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
• Flowers fix everything (or duct tape).
• You never have to worry about each other's feelings.
• You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
• You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
• You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
• You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, "He must be mad at me."
• You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
• You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.
• If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
• The remote is yours and yours alone.
• You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom.
• If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
• If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.